More feels.
Hey again, loves, and wow it's been a long while since I have blogged! For this one I am just jumping right into it.
Pretty much all my posts here are filled with emotions. Raw, strong, and genuine, which I like. Well, y'all, this blog ain't going to be any different. Long story short, there is a lot going on in my heart and mind right now and one of the things that helps me process it all is writing, hence why this blog is happening. Let me now explain what all has gone on in my life: I've been living at home (in Russia) since the end of November of 2017, I work as an English language instructor, AND recently I was able to visit the States and see all my dearly loved peeps there. Life at home has been great for the most part and I am happy that I made the choice to move back and spend some more quality time with friends and family here. My heart truly needed it and I am happy I listened to it. I am enjoying teaching English and getting to know and help my awesome, fun, really really bright students. (Not to mention having my own income, which helps me big time too!) Being back with my ensemble that I have been singing with since 2012 has been one of the best parts of coming back to Russia. So at a first glance it all seems great and dandy, doesn't it? Now let's dig a little deeper.
Let me preface this part by saying that I am still extremely grateful for the life I have. Seriously, every single thing and every single person that is in it. But I also believe that no situation is perfect and no person can be cheery and entirely content with his/her life all the time. I am no exception. Living at in Russia has been really nice but lately I have been feeling a little fed up with certain things about my country and certain people here (I know it's bad everyone, but also patriotism to me doesn't mean loving and agreeing with every single thing about your motherland). Basically I've been kinda feeling ready to get out and move yet again. (After living in the US for 4 years, I guess I have become a person of the world and now I really really want to travel a little before I find a place to settle in).
As far as teaching goes, I thoroughly enjoy it, I really do. My students are awesome, really intelligent, witty, funny, and curious. I am learning SO much it's unbelievable and from that comes growth which I am not mad about! By the same token, a completely new role of a teacher brings out a whooole lot of insecurities in me and often makes me question my abilities and my competence. Not a pleasant feeling I gotta tell ya. I know that it's not easy to start something new, but it's even harder to be able to have grace for yourself and not beat yourself up about every.single.little.thing. Am I perfect teacher? Absolutely not. Do I think it's healthy for me to recognize and remember my limitations? Absolutely yes. But I am also a huge advocate of self-love and self-compassion in any given situation, no matter how hard it might be to exercise. I guess sometimes actually applying what you advocate for to yourself can be really frickin difficult.
Finally, I want to say that lately I have been overcome with some of the most intense nostalgia and bittersweetness after my last trip to the US. Feelings of deep deep sadness and extreme thankfulness do not leave me for a second. Time in America flew by and now I feel left with longing for more time with all my dear ones, more amazing conversations, more hugs, more strolls through WI and Chicago. As someone who has travelled a lot, I am pretty used to feeling this way, but this last week it all hit with a new force.
So yeah, it's been a little hard, but here is what I learned:
1) Living at home and being back in Russia has its challenges, but hey, home is still home and I love it the same way. I do not regret coming back.
2) Teaching is still a learning process (ironically) and will be that way forever I am sure. It has also been one of the greatest, most challenging and fulfilling adventures so far. I hope for nothing more that to help my amazing students become more confident as English speakers and as people who try to navigate this broken world of ours.
3) I have not always been my usual cheery, happy self during this last week. The intense feeling of sadness and missing everyone in the US has taken away a good deal of motivation and positivity. At the same time, it has showed me just how lucky I am to have people from all over the world cheering me on, loving on me, opening their homes for me, driving long distances to grab lunch with me, and doing all they can to make my trip one to remember. Memories made on that trip will warm my heart forever.
Things will get easier and I know that. Soon yet another adventure awaits me, so I better soak every single moment in and be present. Growth, change, and transitions of any kind can get to us, but through them we learn to appreciate all the beauty that life has to it.
Ok everyone, that's all I got. And here are some pics from my trip, just have a share of my nostalgia with me. Thank you so much for reading this. :)
As far as teaching goes, I thoroughly enjoy it, I really do. My students are awesome, really intelligent, witty, funny, and curious. I am learning SO much it's unbelievable and from that comes growth which I am not mad about! By the same token, a completely new role of a teacher brings out a whooole lot of insecurities in me and often makes me question my abilities and my competence. Not a pleasant feeling I gotta tell ya. I know that it's not easy to start something new, but it's even harder to be able to have grace for yourself and not beat yourself up about every.single.little.thing. Am I perfect teacher? Absolutely not. Do I think it's healthy for me to recognize and remember my limitations? Absolutely yes. But I am also a huge advocate of self-love and self-compassion in any given situation, no matter how hard it might be to exercise. I guess sometimes actually applying what you advocate for to yourself can be really frickin difficult.
Finally, I want to say that lately I have been overcome with some of the most intense nostalgia and bittersweetness after my last trip to the US. Feelings of deep deep sadness and extreme thankfulness do not leave me for a second. Time in America flew by and now I feel left with longing for more time with all my dear ones, more amazing conversations, more hugs, more strolls through WI and Chicago. As someone who has travelled a lot, I am pretty used to feeling this way, but this last week it all hit with a new force.
So yeah, it's been a little hard, but here is what I learned:
1) Living at home and being back in Russia has its challenges, but hey, home is still home and I love it the same way. I do not regret coming back.
2) Teaching is still a learning process (ironically) and will be that way forever I am sure. It has also been one of the greatest, most challenging and fulfilling adventures so far. I hope for nothing more that to help my amazing students become more confident as English speakers and as people who try to navigate this broken world of ours.
3) I have not always been my usual cheery, happy self during this last week. The intense feeling of sadness and missing everyone in the US has taken away a good deal of motivation and positivity. At the same time, it has showed me just how lucky I am to have people from all over the world cheering me on, loving on me, opening their homes for me, driving long distances to grab lunch with me, and doing all they can to make my trip one to remember. Memories made on that trip will warm my heart forever.
Things will get easier and I know that. Soon yet another adventure awaits me, so I better soak every single moment in and be present. Growth, change, and transitions of any kind can get to us, but through them we learn to appreciate all the beauty that life has to it.
Ok everyone, that's all I got. And here are some pics from my trip, just have a share of my nostalgia with me. Thank you so much for reading this. :)
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